Turn! Turn! Turn!

It's been exactly 9 months since our last blog post. That's especially ironic considering, since the time of our last post, we've been trying to get pregnant with another baby. It's been one of the most challenging roller coaster rides of our marriage...though that's actually a bit deceiving, as roller coasters have ups and downs, and trying (unsuccessfully, thus far) to get pregnant is mostly one big down. To those of you who have tried to get pregnant, the "two week wait" between attempts and taking a pregnancy test can be absolute torture. And for same-sex couples, I can't even say that the "trying" part is tons of fun, as it's more of a medical procedure than anything else. Let me be clear that I'm not saying we've been unhappy since December of last year, or that our life has been one big downer. On the contrary, we've have had more than our fair share of  joking, playing, singing, dancing, loving, and laughing.

Already having a child to focus on has made the whole process so much more palatable. I also realize that some folks try for much longer than we've been trying and have had far more heartache along the way.

That being said, it's still hard. But it is now the period between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement). It's time to take stock of our lives, be thankful for all of the wonderfulness and little miracles we witness every day, and focus our energy on being the highest versions of ourselves. Even with our fertility struggles this year, we still have so much to be thankful for.

We were able to marry legally on July 1, after the Supreme Court overturned DOMA and Prop 8. We had a lovely ceremony at the Berkeley Marina officiated by the chaplain at Jen's work and witnessed by my co-worker. It was just the four of us and Owen. Miraculously, the dresses still fit!

Our family is all in great health, and Owen's growth, development, and larger than life personality amaze us on a daily basis (for the record, he does wear a helmet when he rides. This was taken right after his Nana gave him the bike last weekend).

We are surrounded by a group of family, friends, and neighbors who help us create the best possible village to raise our child (eventually children) in. This year will be about enjoying the journey, and not focusing so much on the destination. We know we'll eventually have a second child, somehow, someway. We'll let you know when there's news. In the meantime, we're focusing on giving our boy every ounce of our love and savoring the time we have to focus all of our attention on him.

L'shanah tova everyone! Happy New Year! And, as my sister-in-law says, eat life with a big spoon!

Costume Makes the Clown

I realize it's been an obscenely long time since we've posted a blog. I have no excuse other than to say it's been a wonderful fall full of family and birthday celebrations. Above all else, though, it's been a sea of costumes at our house. Since Bub can be a pretty shy guy, we started talking about Halloween pretty early (let's say mid-September) to get him comfortable with the idea. When I picked him up at daycare one day, he was wearing a green costume (which Jen refers to as his fat suit, and I call his airbag). He was convinced that if he just wore it long enough, someone was bound to give him candy. Mind you, it was the first week of October. Since then, he's developed a passion for dressing up. At any given time, we have 2-4 costumes that he has borrowed from daycare at our home. He insists on sleeping with no less than 2 each night. But the costumes aren't just for sleeping. Oh no. He goes to the park in costumes, rides the train, helps make dinner, goes to playdates...all in a costume. Daycare has been overly accommodating. They even began bringing an extra stroller so that he could ride to and from the park without having to remove the costume (some of the get-ups are actually quite poofy, and he just doesn't fit in their 6-baby stroller wearing them). Each costume has its own name. I thought we could take a brief tour.

First, there's Green. Green was the original, the fat suit/air bag that started all of this. Green is still a staple, and generally winds up in the crib each night.

 Yellow is another fan favorite. We're thinking it is part of a Winnie the Pooh costume, but we've never seen the head piece, so it's hard to say.

We sadly don't have any pictures in Blue, but that one is similar to Yellow in design, though blue has the added bonus of some colorful feathers.

A new-comer to the group is Special. Special has only been around once thus far.

 Lastly, there's Princess. We just met her last night.

Owen decided it was necessary to wear Princess on the train this morning. God bless the Bay Area. We didn't get a single dirty look, only knowing smiles. We also had the opportunity to talk about the fact that he is allowed to wear whatever he feels comfortable in, regardless of what others may say about it. I blame this conversation partly on the fact that I read an article on the anniversary of the release of "Free to Be...You and Me".

I'd like you to note that the below photo depicts the Halloween costume we actually BOUGHT for him (an adorable black and white dog that looks just like Ashby).  There's very little interest in that one.

The Shehecheyanu

The Jewish High Holidays (or High Holy Days), Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, have just passed. For those of you who are unfamiliar, these two days represent our New Year and our Day of Atonement. On Rosh Hashanah we eat apples and honey in hopes of a sweet new year. We go to temple and hear the shofar (ram's horn) being blown which acts as an alarm clock of sorts, a wake up call, a reminder to reflect on who we are and who we want to be in the new year. On Yom Kippur, we fast and atone for our wrong doings from the the previous year, and make amends where we can.

Suffice it to say, these two holidays are a big deal for us Jews.

I've had a difficult time finding a Jewish home since moving to the Bay Area, even though I've now been here for five years! I partly blame the wonderful Temple I grew up in. I've become incredibly accustomed to a particular way of chanting prayers or songs, and anything else just doesn't resonate the same way.

The past three years I've attended Rosh Hashanah services at the local JCC, and for the first time this year, it felt familiar. It's starting to feel a little bit like home. These days of reflection have inspired me to think of the ways in which I'm creating a Jewish home for Owen. Sure we have mezuzahs on the doors. We're even members of the PJ Library, so Bub receives a Jewish-themed book every month. But really, what am I doing to instill a love of Judaism in my son, who will be raised with both faiths?

Sadly, the answer is not much. While Rosh Hashanah has left its mark on Owen, for sure, as it provided an excuse to consume copious amounts of honey, I've realized I need to do more. So this will be my "work on" this year. Over the next several months, I plan to rediscover my faith with both my non-Jewish partner and my son. We're attending "Tot Shabbat" this Friday, a service designed for the youngest Jews among us, and hopefully that can turn into a regular event.

I also felt compelled to sing the Shehecheyanu to Owen before bed the other night. It's a prayer generally reserved for special occasions, but I realized, as I was rocking with my little guy, that since he's been born, LIFE has been a special occasion. :)


Phonetic transliteration:
Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha'aolam shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu, v'higiyanu laz'man hazeh.
Blessed are You, O Lord Our God, Ruler of the universe, for giving us life, for sustaining us, and for enabling us to reach this day.

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

I can't believe we haven't posted since May! It has been an incredibly busy summer! We've been fortunate enough to have seen many of our friends and family members over the past several months, including Aunt Beast and Uncle Micho who were in town visiting from China for three weeks .

Since May, we've been to (combined) three weddings, and have visited Santa Cruz, Big Sur, LA, Bakersfield, New Jersey, and the Russian River (some of those places twice). We're leaving this Saturday for Austin, TX and will return only to head out again on a trip to Arnold, CA with two of our favorites. :)

It's amazing to think how much Bub has developed (physically, emotionally, and mentally) since May. While looking at pictures we had taken last weekend, I was struck by just how much of a little boy he is. Even though we still refer to him as "the baby", he is evidently a full-blown toddler.

 

 

I don't know when we got here, but we're now able to have conversations with him! While I believe that only Jen and I can really decipher his mix of toddler vocabulary and signs, he absolutely follows conversations and responds (appropriately, most of the time). He has a wonderful memory, and has started recounting recent happenings (when prompted). He knows that Uncle John has a boat, and will now say "Uncle" or "Jon" (which sounds a lot like "God" at this point) whenever he sees a boat. He then wants to talk about the steps in the boat and the big steering wheel.

We also have a whole new list of our favorite "All Things Bub".

1) He recently started saying "oh no" in such a mournful little voice. He uses this phrase ubiquitously, now. Everything from spilling a sippy cup to noticing crumbs on the floor to hearing that one mom has to leave the room earns a "ohhhhhh noooooo".

2) Purple is the be all, end all in his book. Even though he can point to colors if you ask him where a certain one is, if you ask him "Bub, what color is that?", he ALWAYS responds with purple (which may or may not sound like "poo poo" depending on his mood at the time). If there is a color choice, you better believe he's picking the purple. We even (successfully) tried using red and blue food coloring to dye his milk purple since he's been on a milk strike lately.

3) He LOVES his moms...together. All he wants is for all three of us to be in the same room ALL THE TIME. If one of us has to step out, even if it means he's still engaged in a fun activity with the other mom, he gets VERY upset.

                                                     Same guy, back in January.

4) He has the sweetest little coy face. When he's trying not to smile or knows he's being cute, he purses his little lips and turns his head sideways just a bit. It's precious.

5) He goes CRAZY for water! Be it a pool, an ocean, the bay, or a river, this kid CAN NOT get enough. He doesn't care if we're all in sweatshirts and jeans, he is going in.

 

 

 

Even though it feels like this little boy can't possibly be the same baby we brought home from the hospital, that there's no humanly possible way that 21 months have passed, I do feel like we've really been living in the moment. We haven't been taking this time for granted. We realize this time is precious. We don't need reminders that it goes by too quickly; we are well-aware! And because of that, we take the extra time to snuggle with him when he falls asleep on one of us at night. We stop folding laundry to play ball in the backyard. We let him water the flowers naked when he feels there just isn't enough time to get dressed. We experience the world with him, through his eyes. It's humbling and exciting to bear witness to it, and we savor it. It isn't always easy, but we take the time to savor it.

When It's Cold Outside, I've Got the Month of May

April and May have been incredibly busy months in the Hopping-Winn household! The onset of beautiful weather in the Bay Area, trips to Bakersfield and LA, and Bub's first visit to Disneyland have ensured ample time outdoors these past several weeks. As it turns out, Owen couldn't be happier! We're pretty sure he would live outside if possible.

Water is pretty much his favorite thing on earth. He doesn't care what he's doing, as long as water is involved. From washing his hands to playing with (in) water tables to swimming in pools, this kid is a water baby through and through. In fact, the only ride he rode in Disney (mostly due to hour+ lines) was, shockingly enough, a boat.

If he absolutely has to be inside, he has shown himself to be incredibly helpful around the house. Whether he's feeding the dog (anything and everything he can find, which may or may not include actual dog food) or making lemonade (ie- making the floor sticky), he just wants to help. In fact, a great way to redirect him when he's about to throw a fit is to give him a "job" to do, like throwing something away or handing the mail to Mama.

His vocabulary is growing every day, it seems. He can make several animal sounds on command, point to most every body part (including his elbow- thanks Aunt Pammy), and name any animal he sees. Even though his language skills aren't developed enough where non-relatives would necessarily understand his words, he makes his needs/wants CLEARLY known to all.

If Owen were writing this post, he would tell you that his current favorite things to do (other than the activities listed above) are:
- blowing and popping bubbles
- searching for planes
- looking for squirrels
- feeding ducks
- climbing stairs
- watering the plants with Mama

And now for a few Disney photos, just because.

We're heading camping this weekend. Last time we went, he was 7 months old and still relatively stationary. It will be a whole different experience this time! We can't wait!!!

Like Frankie Said, I Did It My Way

It's funny how life winds up happening while we're busy making other plans. Jen and I talked extensively about what it was going to be like to raise a baby. From pregnancy to delivery, from diapers and feeding to education...we had it figured out.We had all of these ideals that we felt were perfectly reasonable to shoot for. Our dreams were big. As soon as labor started on November 26, 2010, we realized we were in for a rude awakening. Looking back, it's funny how many of our pre-made decisions slipped away from us, sometimes with our full awareness and consent, other times with tears and heartache.

To begin with, we had decided that we wanted labor to progress as naturally as possible. I would labor at home as long as seemed reasonable, and then transition to the tub at Kaiser Walnut Creek. Yeah...after my first contraction, I told Jen we had to head to the hospital STAT. She rolled out of bed, and groggily asked how far apart my contractions were. I informed her that I didn't know, I'd only had one, but it was the real deal and WE WERE GOING. Like a good partner, she consented. Upon arrival at the hospital, they showed us to the "room with the tub" (the only birthing room in the whole hospital with a birthing tub, mind you), and began filling it. About 45 minutes later when the tub was full, they asked me to get in. I put one toe in, and declared I would be laboring in the chair I had been sitting on. The tub was too hot. So that's what we did. When the midwife checked me, and found me to be 9.5 cm dilated, she asked if I wanted her to break my water so we could "get this party started". All of our previous talks about limited interventions and how cool it would be to have a baby "born in the caul" went out the window. "YES! BREAK MY WATER! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!".

From there on out, it was a slippery slope!

- The goal to breastfeed as long as the baby was interested went out the window when our fourth lactation consultant informed us I didn't have milk ducts.

- The plan to use cloth diapers exclusively was gone when we realized just how much these bad boys leak. We did/do use them at home, but rely on disposables (and Target disposables at that, not even Seventh Generation or Earth's Best!) for naps, bedtime, and when we're out and about.

- We were fully intending on making all of Bub's food ourselves, and only feeding him strictly organic vegetarian whole foods, then we realized we didn't eat that way, and it seemed like a ridiculous challenge to put on ourselves when we could barely remember which way was up. We did puree his baby food at home for several months until we discovered organic pouches. That being said, he eats what we eat, which isn't terrible, but certainly not strictly organic and natural.

- There was to be no TV. HA!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's all I have to say about that one.


Somehow, along the way, the ideals changed. Flexibility and the need to live fully in the moment took over. Our goal has always been to raise a happy and healthy child with open-mindedness, love, and compassion. That will be true now and tomorrow. We are learning to be more flexible on what that looks like in the implementation phase. Expectations are fine, but at the end of the day, if the baby is safe, loved, clothed, and fed, you have to admit that you're doing ok. Judging by these pictures, I'd say we're just fine. :)

Walking on Sunshine!

It's official! We have a walker on our hands. As I'm sure will be the case throughout his life, Bub clearly likes to live life on his own terms. While he held his head up, sat unsupported, and crawled relatively early on, our little man waited until 14.5 months to walk (and, shortly thereafter, climb).

Now that he can walk, he loves to dance. This started at daycare as a way for the daycare provider to engage him so I could leave without tears (poor guy had a rough transition, and was slow to warm up to his new childcare). Now, when we walk in in the mornings, Bub walks right over to the CD player and points to indicate he wants his favorite song. The song is entirely in Spanish, and I have no idea what it says, yet I find myself singing it all day long (as I'm sure they do at daycare, since he apparently asks for it repeatedly). At home, dance parties have quickly become our favorite evening activity.

Bub has been fascinated with music from day one. He's always seemed happy listening to music, and has lovingly obliged my desire to sing to him constantly. More recently, he's developed a love for his toy piano. But our little musician has also shown us that he is quite the artist. Chalk and finger paints seem to be tied for his favorite mode of artistic expression at this point.

His word, sign, and tooth count have all gone up over the past month. While he still doesn't say mama (or mommy, or ma, or anything that we could construe to be close to it), he now says "bye-bye", "night night", "hot", "no", "that", and (his favorite) "this". "This" is used, on average, 5,239 times a day to indicate his desire to know what something is called, to let us know he wants something, to point out something particularly exciting, or in any other context you could possibly imagine using the word "this".

Bub's tooth count is up to 11, and he will sign for hungry, thirsty, more, all done, and milk. If he's signing that he's hungry, and we aren't actively getting him food, he will walk over to the pantry signing "hungry", and bang the doors until we get him a snack (clearly, judging by the above picture, we rarely feed the kid).

I have to say, I thought I would really mourn the loss of the baby stage. I was desperately holding on, telling everyone that I did not in fact have a toddler. Since he wasn't officially yet "toddling", I still had a baby. Now that he's off and (almost) running, I can't help but admit that this stage is somehow even more delicious than the last. Sure we have our occasional temper tantrum, but watching him explore the world on his own terms is magical. Granted, I'm not ready to pack up the baby carrier just yet (I've already warned him that I will most likely take him to college in it), but I may just be ready to publically admit that we are the parents of a toddler.